22 Steps to Healing After Detransition

The Unusual Recovery Path

I am a detransitioner with CPTSD from childhood abuse and medical mutilation. For anyone reading, I hope this inspires solace and faith in a realistic recovery. There are many ways to wound and many ways to heal, I know everyone’s experience varies, but this is how healing went for me.

Here are 22 steps I took to claim my life.

1. Deciding to live and not die After years of grappling, I chose to live and stop fantasizing about suicide. It sounds extreme, but healing began once I voluntarily took responsibility for being alive despite my resentment at suffering and Being. I was 22.

2. Accepting I had trauma I got formally evaluated and was diagnosed with ptsd. This began my understanding of “trauma” and that my brain was wired around chronic childhood abuse. It wasn’t just depression—I had brain damage.

3. Getting grounded In baseline reality After I accepted that I had ptsd, I accepted my biological sex and detransitioned. This stopped me from living a lie so I could remember who I was. I didn’t want to be a woman, but I was. Not fighting it was a relief.

4. Mindfulness and calm I started mindfulness meditation habits to stay present and calm my nervous system which I hadn’t realized was chronically anxious. The depression was numbing my anxiety response to abuse. I needed to soothe myself (no one else would or could.)

5. Living raw I saw that almost nothing in my life was working, including my medications, and psychiatrist. I quit all pills and searched for a new healthcare team. Living raw increased anxiety and sadness because I was really living, but it allowed for more joy too.

6. Rediscovering my passion I accepted my flaws but also embraced lifelong strengths—being an artist and creative soul. Despite deep insecurity, I took a chance on myself and pursued my true passion by declaring an art major after years of aimless college courses. I was 23.

7. Spiritual awakening After I stopped numbing with SSRIs, I could finally have a real psychedelic trip. I used LSD and had a spiritual awakening—that everything was interconnected, I wasn’t alone, and had access to love. God rewired my brain for love instead of fear.