Can Autogynephilia Ever Be Ethical?
Sexual Motivations for Gender Transition and "AGP-Gate"
In November 2023 at the second Genspect conference, I posed for a photo with an openly-Autogynephilic man named Phil Illy. Autogynephilia translates to “love of self as woman” meaning that men who have this sexual orientation fall in love/lust with a fantasy of themself being female. Phil had written a sexological book based in sex research for gender dysphoric individuals to understand potential sexually-motivated reasons for their gender identity issues and desire to medically alter their bodies.
Genspect’s photographer walked around the conference center taking candid photos of attendees for memorabilia and to share on social media highlighting the community-building of the event. Genspect posted the photo on Twitter with a link promoting Phil’s book Autoheterosexual: Attracted to Being the Other Sex, and the image began circulating around gender critical networks.
I had met Phil Illy about a year prior when he emailed me saying that he had watched my interview on Soft White Underbelly and wondered if I’d be interested in learning more about the inverse of autogynephilia, autoandrophilia (love of self as man.) I conversed with Phil over email for several months about my complex reasoning for gender transition as a teenager, reflecting upon the overt sexual and romantic motivations for wanting to socially and medically live as a gay male.
Phil was correct in noticing my mild case of autoandrophilia, although as I have commented on often, the primary cause of my gender issues was rooted in autism and attachment trauma. Feeling as though he understood my feelings without judgment, I sent Phil angst-ridden sexual poetry I had written during my time as a trans man, which I believed was obvious proof of autosexual desire. He agreed, and Phil and I followed each other on Twitter.
At the time of the Genspect conference in Denver, I considered him an acquaintance. He was calm and quiet online, seeming introverted and focused on his mission of raising awareness about autosexuality rather than fighting with activists or sharing personal anecdotes as I did. He was a peculiar man, always wearing bright blue dresses, and he was instantly recognizable in person. His appearance at the conference was at first jarring, his outfit was odd, an 80s-style plush dress with leg warmers and arm warmers. I found it entertaining, and appreciated his custom-designed tinted pink and blue glasses. He looked like a far out cat, and that was fine by me.
At the end of the three-day event, Phil, Pamela (The Truthful Therapist) and myself were the only ones left waiting in the lobby to go the airport. As a trio we shared an Uber to the airport, and Phil and I hung out for a while talking before heading to our respective gates. None of us had a clue that as flew home there would be an intense scandal awaiting us two days later in the form of “AGP-Gate.”
Much has already been written and said about AGP-Gate, and to view my immediate reactions while it occured, watch this short vlog I recorded in the midst of the backlash (and battling a terrible case of Covid.)
I wanted to write this piece to debrief readers about my situation leading up to the interview I did with Phil Illy posted in January, 2024. Gay male dissidents Daniel and Brently from the show Dangerous Rhetoric agreed to facilitate a conversation with us focused on:
The importance of recognizing sexual motivations for transition so that clinicians can offer self-awareness as a tool for managing gender dysphoria.
My sexual motivations as a female for gender transition in the past, and how that evolved and manifested.
Confronting the ‘toxic femininity’ of female activists in the gender critical movement and recognizing female-typical manipulation.
If you are a person interested in understanding psychological motivations for trans-identity in yourself, a child, friend, or in the population, I urge you to listen to this dialogue where the taboos of sexuality and expression are brought to light.
It may be uncomfortable, but I promise that you’ll survive ;) (I’m there, afterall.)
Watch on Youtube below!
Its my opinion after listening to you for a year that you know diddly squat about feminism or what it is to be a woman. For 4 or 5 years of your short life you have been in denial of being a woman and are only a couple of years away from that. Now here you are in a video with 3 men discussing feminism with dripping masculinist contempt and concurring enthusiastically with their opinions. Still trying to be “one of the boys”?
Among the womens rights activists you maligned was Kellie-Jay Keene. It was asserted that Keene and many feminists have particular ideas and beliefs because they are simply vapid women that “don’t like men” (16.50). This absurd chestnut has been flung at the feminist movement for over a hundred years. I would be interested to know how these women would act if they did “like” men? I wonder if it would amount to something like always being kind, agreeable and passive?
It was depressing to hear you dismiss women who criticised you as “random feminazis who don’t do jackshit and are not my allies”. A couple of weeks after AGPGate when I made a comment on your X you derided me as a “crazy bitch” and blocked me. You may disdain to think of me as an ally, or as a person capable of doing more than jackshit, but we both had artwork in the San Francisco show “A Nasty Piece of Work” – my work was in that show because I had been kicked out of an art event due to having attended two of Kellie-Jay Keenes #LetWomenSpeak rallies.
Heres a link to 2 women discussing what it is about men who perform femininity that is to be abhorred.
https://youtu.be/hBNzTdNUhDM?si=MXqsgB_g5SH7DiiX&t=1165
This isn’t specifically about Genspect, Phil Illy or yourself, but you all get several passing references.
My reaction to the picture was completely focused on Phil and I have to ask Why? Why would he wear that getup to a conference of people working on ways to help those caught up in trans? I would have the same reaction if he wore a Scottish kilt to the conference. I believe his choice to be disrespectful, but the response to his display has been over-the-top. Clothing is nothing more to me than protection from the elements, although I understand there are cultural clothing standards for men and women, and those standards change over time and vary by culture. I also understand that many people use and see fashion as their personal identity, but is it too much to ask to set that aside for a minute? I can't stand to wear a bra and I usually don't, but there are times where I will wear one out of respect for the situation and people involved.