Coping With Showering When Depressed

Self-Care Cliches That Actually Work

There are infinite blog posts about self care cliches like pampering one’s body, especially in the bath. It’s a severe turn off to a distressed person to hear an upbeat mommy blogger or rich 20-something lecturing about “self care routines” which usually involve selling you an overpriced beauty product.

I used to loathe these ideas even more the average girl, especially when I was trans-identified, but I’ve pulled out a few bath time rituals that genuinely help my trauma.

All the ideas here are easy for a depressed person to do and can be purchased cheaply at the dollar store or discount online retailer.

I used to loathe showering.

Being taken out of my dry and warm sensory state was awful, and I was so depressed in middle school that I was known my peers as "The Girl Who Didn't Shower."

Showering is more annoying than average because I Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) which causes excess testosterone and interferes with hormonal regulation. Because of this, my hair and skin are extra oily. My hair becomes greasy and flat within 24 hours, making it less motivating to shower because I have to do it so frequently.

On the autism spectrum, I especially don’t like extra sensory effort that accompanies living in a civilized society. Between autism, hormones, and depression, showering has been a chronic issue impacting my self confidence and social acceptance.

In PTSD flashbacks or severely depressed times I still want to neglect showering but in recent years have have turned showering into a positive experience.

Here are tips on motivation from a shower-averse veteran:

Make the Shower Fun With Music

In my bathroom I have a waterproof bluetooth speaker so I can listen to jams whenever I take a shower. I queue up a few songs on Spotify or Youtube and suction cup the speaker onto the corner of the bathtub.

Everything is more enjoyable when listening to music, and if you’re like me and don’t like being alone with your thoughts, music solves the issue of shower time existentialism. You could even use the time to put on podcasts or catch up on voice memos from a friend to make the time pass.

Create a Luxurious Sensory Environment

Most of us pay more attention to the senses of sight and sound, but smell and touch are also parts of life to be mindful of. With shampoos, conditioners, soaps, sprays, and creams, bath time is one of the only instances where aromas are one of the dominant senses.

I used to rush through showering as a chore while getting distracted by my unwanted thoughts, or avoid it altogether. But realizing a shower’s potential for pleasing smells and textures changed my mind about the activity. I experiment with different shampoos, often with essential oils. With how much time we spend indoors, where else are we going to smell natural flavors of mint, florals, or berries?

Each time I open a bottle, I take a moment to enjoy the perfume, as if I deserve to smell nice things, enjoy little pleasures, have a good life. It’s not going to cure my depression or PSTD but gratitude for tiny beauties helps reduce stress.

Staying Present with Comforting Touch

I also remain mindful of touch as I intentionally play with the temperature of the water, bringing warmth to my body. Warm or hot water brings our brains oxytocin—the chemical responsible for intimate bonding, attachment, and love. It is sometimes called “The Cuddle Chemical” because we receive it when snuggling with a loved one or pet.

When depressed or in a traumatic episode, connection may be impossible or seem unappetizing as we prefer isolation. A warm embrace with ourselves in the water creates comfort, security, and love when it otherwise appears absent.

Washing our bodies is the perfect way to introduce safe and loving affection to ourselves when feeling terrible. I take care to gently massage my body and respond to the sensation mindfully instead of hastily rubbing soap or shaving.

I started using an exfoliating brush to get another excuse for a fun exfoliating scent and make my skin feel smoother. I exfoliate while letting conditioner soak on my hair so it doesn’t add any runtime to the shower.

Use Showering to Create Momentum

Whenever I am most depressed—the sort of anguish where I feel like cement and can barely move out of bed—I know showering will kickstart my nervous system and cause a chain reaction of momentum. I have never once felt worse after taking a shower while in this state, even if the momentum doesn’t feel like huge progress.

Remembering that showering will relieve uncomfortable sensation of greasiness, itchiness, or lethargy is an additional act of self-love which starts momentum.

Decorate the Shower With Plants

Bathrooms aren’t known for being ideal places to hangout, and showers are almost all identically boring and ugly. Understanding the importance of feng-shui on my moods I decorated my shower to feel lively and interesting.

I added fake plants to my bathtub, specifically eucalyptus vine draped around a shelf. Many people put real eucalyptus vine in the bath as the soaking leaves produce calming effects, but even fake plants fill the bland white tile space and are relaxing.

Add Relaxing Colors, Toys, and Objects

I also bought a cheap baby pink shelf which suctions to the wall—the color my favorite right now. My razor, exfoliating brush, and other accessories are also pink which create a pleasing matching atmosphere. I had a blue razor and swapped it with the pink one from my travel kit because it was noticeable when the colors didn’t match.

Maybe colors don’t matter so much to you, but it’s a simple method of creating a cohesive, non-distracting and therefore relaxing environment. I added a purple flower drain plug and hung a bag of lilac leaves on the shower head to add further stimulation.

There are many bath toys for adults and children available to fidget with in the shower—sometimes the only space toys are there to play with in our busy lives.

Bathing Instead of Showering

I’m not going to pretend that I sometimes shower as a chore and forget to be mindful or enjoy the experience, but when I’m most depressed or in grief time moves excruciatingly slowly.

In a parasympathetic state where my body shuts down from having flashbacks, I am lightheaded and don’t want to even stand to shower. In these episodes, sometimes taking a bath is what I’ll choose. If you don’t have a bathtub in your residence, sitting down in the shower is also an effective possibility.

Soothing Bathing Options

When I’m sad and want to lie down but also take care of my hygiene, I will pull out the bath pillow. It’s a comfortable waterproof headrest that suctions onto the tub where I’ll rest and relax my nervous system. I just hang it up to dry over the shower railing when I’m done.

Sometimes I will make a pampering event out of a bath, whether I’m depressed or not. Inexpensive bath bombs—powdered balls that dissolve in water—turn the bathwater fun colors and smells are a little extra way to make bathing enjoyable.

I put on uplifting music to dance to in the tub like a little kid, or soothing jazz or even guided meditations to reduce my heart rate during a flashback. Burning a candle, incense, or white sage awakens my senses and comforts me during the hardest times.

Don’t Neglect Post-Shower Routines For Success

The worst part of showering is getting out of the shower. It’s awkward, cold and wet. You’re naked and have to find clothes, walk around the place dripping water and figuring out what to do. It doesn’t need to be this way!

Before I get in the shower, I prepare for getting out. I lay out my clothes, towels, and what I’ll need like a hairbrush and moisturizer. I make sure I’ll have no additional stress to drying off besides mechanically facing the moments of discomfort when I’m chilly and nude.

I also tidy up my bedroom in anticipation of when I’m done, especially when depressed. Doing little preemptive habits like throwing away garbage, leaving out a candle and lighter, or making my bed, mean when I’m nice and clean, I can return to an environment which is also pleasant to be in.

It sucks going through 15 or 20 minutes of a shower routine, or taking a 45 minute bath only to return to a chaotic or stressful environment. Think of he bathing routine like preparing a romantic evening for a lover. You wouldn’t set up awesome sexy shower time but leave dirty dishes on your bedside table or have clothes all over the room for them to deal with afterwards.

I thank myself for taking care of me by cleaning up those little annoyances which can easily set a depressed person over the edge. When I’m done showering, I want to feel good, cozy, and successful.

And yes, putting on the same dirty socks or underwear when you’ve just showered is going to reduce the positive momentum you created. I’ve lived with depression a long time—brush your hair and change your clothes after washing up—it’s worth it.

Takeaways

If you're autistic and/or depressed, it is possible to turn a negative sensory experience into a positive sensory experience at bath time.

Using these techniques I shower more regularly, and have a much better time while doing it. I feel more affectionate of my body, and routinely use these mindful sensory habits to work through flashbacks and build momentum.

These habits are affordable, easy, and intuitive once you become aware of your body’s needs and reasons for shower aversion. I hope this list gives you inspiration and makes you consider additional ways of improving hygiene difficulties.