When Parents Step Back, The Cult Steps In

Emotional Unavailability Leaves Children Vulnerable to Trans Ideology

On parenting and the trans cult:

One time I tried crying to my mom, desperate for support. I was probably 18-19. She said “I’m not your therapist.” I felt like if even my own mom doesn’t believe in me, I’m forsaken.” No therapist replaces a mother’s love.

She outsourced her parenting to a nebulous “expert” because she was emotionally withdrawn. I didn’t even have a therapist at the time, all I had was her. This is what emotionally unavailable parents say and do. They expect some stranger with a license to take care of their kids

ou may think she was giving me “freedom” as “an adult.” But this was our dynamic since I was a young child. She told me I had a chemical imbalance, autism, and needed medication while ignoring her abusive husband’s chronic cruelty. I believed I was inherently broken.

This emotional neglect coupled with my false belief system that I was born “wrong” paved the way for transgender mutilation. My parents were not emotionally involved when I found the trans cult at 15 who said that bodily shame meant surgery was needed.

I adopted the trans cult belief as a teen but the same lie originated at 11–when I was abused, told I deserved it, then left to suffer alone with only the pharmaceutical industry to help. At 19 I took testosterone, at 20 my breasts were removed.

Meeting a therapist who didn’t diagnose or affirm the lies, but who told me that the abuse I had experienced was real. She sat in my pain with me until I had my head deprogrammed of false beliefs. I lived with my parents all that time. Why did it take until 23 to find love?

Because my parents were emotionally immature and suppressed their pain, while I lived in hell believing I was defective. Then trans comes in—

When I see parents walking on eggshells around their trans teens I wonder if they avoid parenting them because they fear the cult estrangement, or are themselves emotionally unavailable. The tough truth that I help my clients see is it’s usually a mixture.

The emotional unavailability is not always as extreme, but if a parent fears their own abandonment, rejection, or shame and prioritizes that avoidance over confronting the child’s illusions—it builds up over time to emotional estrangement where the parent feels powerless.

Much of the work I do with parent clients is to remind them of two things: 1. Their power to guide, speak truth, and discipline 2. How their own emotions, usually shame and fear, hijack the dynamic

If the parent’s insecurities result in avoidance, the child feels lost. If the child feels lost, it reinforces the trans belonging fantasy. I often tell parents to model the resilience and emotional honesty they’d want to produce in their child.

Empowering the parents helps them manage grief while also reconnecting them to their authentic familial relationships. This goes for both mothers and fathers. Based on my consultation work this is a top issue for families with trans identified kids.

If you found this post relatable and would like personal help navigating gender issues in your family, DM me for a consultation or peer mentoring/coaching options for your child.