Why I Decided to Self-Publish My Detrans Memoir

Ups and Downs of Self-Publication

Shiny books stacked neatly in the Denver airport called to me as I pulled covers from the shelves to glance at their professional fervor. Fictional tales with fantastical cover designs impressed me with pretty embossing and familiar works like Dr. Phil’s “We’ve Got Issues” stared at me through the piercing stern expression of Phil Mcgraw. Every airport has books for sale—beautiful objects rendered near relics in the digital age.

What the airport books have in common is that they were professionally-published, clearly marketed in the airport after tight negotiation with agents. My memoir will be a glossy artifact too, well-written, timely, and heartbreaking. But as a 27 year old with a recent trauma history, I don’t have an agent.

And I don’t want one. Here’s why:

Surviving the Trans Myth is in large part about enduring abuse from personality-disordered cultists, doctors, and within myself. I grew up with a toxic father who enmeshed me as the oldest child into his emotionally-volatile rampages, pity parties, and narcissistic persecution dramas. I learned that my father’s emotions were the pinnacle of importance, above any justice or reason, and his fruits were patterns instilled in me to indulge his temper tantrums or feel worthless.